


it's okay to be weird

by Lucian (dirtypawshistorie)



Series: Kiyoomi's and Atsumu's days: i'm lucky to have you [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A Vine reference, Get Together, It's kind of get together, M/M, Post-Canon, Road Trips, Sakusa has feelings ™, but they're dumb, mentions of past relationships - Freeform, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26623273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtypawshistorie/pseuds/Lucian
Summary: Miya wanted to go to the beach and dragged Sakusa as last resort. Sakusa accepted begrudgingly and gave up on his Sunday, only to expect problems along the road.Heavy rain, a deviation, and the long hours before getting there, gave Sakusa too much time to reflect on stupid things from the past.And when problems happened, he realized something about the trip, something about Miya, and something about himself.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: Kiyoomi's and Atsumu's days: i'm lucky to have you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951534
Comments: 17
Kudos: 198





	it's okay to be weird

**Author's Note:**

> [ art cover ](https://twitter.com/dirtypawsstory/status/1308931607148060672?s=20)

Sakusa was sitting, limbs frigid, back dead straight against the car seat. An annoying ache built upon his neck, definitely from the lack of rest consequence of waking up at eight am on a Sunday. He looked to his side, Miya Atsumu wearing casual attire, unnaturally ashy blond styled to the side, sunglasses reflecting the sunshine in front of them, moving his leather gloved fingers to the beat of the song currently playing on the radio. One hand on the wheel, the other one busy eating chips. Miya's current rambling was about his dinner last night and how bland it tasted. Without waiting for a response to his wailing, Miya transitioned to talk about a movie he's been wanting to watch, something about zombies and guns. Sakusa moved his eyes on the road and half-listened to what Miya had to say about foreign actors whose names he had never heard before, and his illogical but irreverent take on apocalyptic scenarios.

Tokyo raised, between four blank walls, lonely dinners, and formal greetings between his family, Sakusa rarely went out on trips. He had a good deal of those in high school; after he managed to be called a ''pro'', ITACHIYAMA started going to matches all across Japan. That meant inconvenient long hours on a bus, secluded in the back seat, sleeping all his way to their destination.

Traveling never has been about pleasure, it always had a goal and a purpose. And it didn't bother him, he didn't intend to make them enjoyable. Sakusa's free time consisted of staying in his apartment, probably reading, running, stretching, meditating, cleaning, watering his plants, or anything that involved him and the quiet.

''Do ya have any favorite movies, Omi-kun?'' Miya asked him, Sakusa looked at him and at his own reflection on the blond's sunglasses.

For a moment, Sakusa thought about his answer. When no special title came to mind, he moved his head in a small deny and looked at the road again. He felt Miya's annoyed gaze on him, while he heard him say, ''Well, I can't say that I'm surprised.''

Miya continued his string of words, trying to fake they're having a conversation beside him just chattering nonchalantly and Sakusa responding from time to time with No's and Yes's.

On that Sunday morning, while looking at the trees outside of the co-driver window, Sakusa reflected on how things between them were... abnormal, per se. Clear proof of it, Sakusa's crazy (enough) judgment to accept Miya's request.

Because in general, laws of physics, undeniable truth terms, Miya Atsumu's behavior, and logic were a headache. Always deciding things by himself, always trying to drag Sakusa and everyone else into his business. And although he's got a likable character, an abundance of friends and colleagues, and a never-ending club of fans. What he has for charisma, he has it for ego and stubbornness. So, good enough, everyone realizes the mess that involves spending time with him and runs away from his hands; ignoring whatever he had to say about how great his logic and plans were.

But from time to time, on every full moon or some shit, Miya gets away with what he wants. And Sakusa really can't believe it was him out of everyone, who got dragged into this road trip to the beach with him.

｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ｀、ヽ｀☂｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ｀、ヽ｀

''Do ya want me to beg here? I'm asking nicely,'' Miya said while hanging his bag on his shoulder, standing beside Sakusa, moving his head back and pulling lightly at his sweaty hair.

Sakusa, seated on the bench packing his stuff, raised his head to look at him properly.

Just after a rough practice match against Raijin, Sakusa's focus was on running away from the inevitable ''Let's have dinner'' gang(Komori, Bokuto, Thomas and — why and how was Kuroo also there) and their night out as soon as possible; not on listening or considering what Miya was telling him.

''You,'' Sakusa exclaimed, pointing a finger at Miya's face—''Demanding me,'' pointing a finger at himself— ''To free my schedule isn't asking nicely. And I already told you, I've got plans,'' Sakusa ended, standing up and putting his bag on his shoulder.

Dodging his so-called friends was his goal for the night, and such feat called for his after practice shower to wait ten minutes; the time it took him to get to his apartment. Waiting was something that he rarely put off second, but his priorities were elsewhere. He rushed out of the gym longing for a cold shower, the book he left hanging in the morning, and to free himself from his cousin's gaze and smile behind him.

Miya followed him close right by his heels.

''Omi-omi! Tsum-tsum!'' Bokuto yelled at their backs, making both of them wince, shrugging their shoulders up. ''C'mon, it's Saturday. Let's go and drink some beers!''

The pair walked down the entrance stairs, Sakusa put on his white mask and zipped his yellow jacket up to his neck, covering his warm muscles from the cold air of February. At his back, Miya rejected Bokuto on behalf of both of them with his sweet (fake) smile, and caught up to him, carrying on about his offer.

Two blocks down the gym, Sakusa was a word away from strangling the blond so he would shut up, but when he realized how Miya was looking at the ground, Sakusa stopped dead on his tracks.

They were in front of a convenience store, so Miya's hair looked greenish against the cyan artificial light coming from the store.

''Can't you go on another day?'' Sakusa finally asked.

Miya looked up and pouted, ''The car agency would make me lose my advance payment.''

Sakusa kept his eyes at him, expecting he'd go on. Miya frowned and defied him.

''What?'' Miya asked.

''Why me?'' Sakusa said, shrugging his shoulders. Tone more serious than he intended.

Running a hand through his hair, Miya explained; ''Stupid 'Samu canceled on me, Bokkun has plans with Keiji-kun, Shouyo turned me down because he'll go on stupid a date with Kageyama. My parents are out of town, everyone else is stupidly busy and really, it's not going to be so bad.''

Spending his Sunday afternoon doing whatever Miya wanted him to do, wasn't in Sakusa's list of interests. His schedule was packed with alone time, a new meal he's been wanting to try, and many manga volumes he had to catch on.

''And why you keep asking me if I also have plans,'' Sakusa answered.

''Shutting yourself in your apartment aren't plans, and I really don't see why you can't go with me,'' Miya grunted.

Sakusa felt a stupid pang of annoyance. Miya complaining about him although Sakusa wasn't even his first option. Annoyance which Sakusa hid deep inside him. Instead, he answered, ''However I want to spend my free day it's my business, Miya.''

Miya sighed defeated, tucking his hands on his own unzipped jacket, moving his head to the side. Visibly pouting, visibly sulking.

''Fine,'' he said in a deadpan, already turning back to his way home.

Sakusa didn't want to look at him like that, so he asked instead, ''Why would you go to a beach four hours from here, having another one just twenty minutes by train?''

Miya stopped, turned back, and looked at him with frowning eyes,'' I told ya, it's way cooler there.''

''What's the difference from beach to beach?'' Sakusa asked, walking up to him and arching an eyebrow.

''It's just worth it. It's going to be good, I promise.''

And with just that, Miya's sulking mood was gone, and now he wore a kind of tired, kind of hopeful look on his face.

Sakusa felt warm all over, he must be getting a cold.

｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ｀、ヽ｀☂｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ｀、ヽ｀

Miya's decision for background music at the moment was his workout music, which was loud and not Sakusa's taste. Miya enjoyed himself regardless, and not even asking if it was too loud. Sakusa regretted not bringing a pair of earbuds and an eye cover to sleep the rest of the way.

''How do ya feel about some coffee?'' Miya asked. ''Imma' make a stop at the gas station.''

Sakusa's attention was bought with the mention of coffee, and said, ''I would prefer some tea instead.''

''What'bout some snacks?''

''Didn't you bring lunch?''

''Yeah, why?''

''So your lunch is going to be that bad, huh?''

''Mind you, I lasted freaking hours doing that bento. All because Mr. I Don't Eat at Drive-Thru wanted some Umeboshi for dessert.''

''You asked, I answered.''

''You want something else or not?''

''Just the tea it's fine.''

''A'right, canned?''

''Yes.''

Miya deviated on the next exit and entered a gas station. He got down the car and commented that he was going to get the drinks after he paid for the gas. Sakusa, still inside, paid more attention to the outside; the tall trees, and how cloudy the morning got. Maybe getting some fresh air wouldn't be a bad idea. Also, they have been on the road for an hour and he wanted to stretch his legs, he hated cramp spaces.

Sakusa opened the door, stood outside, and breathed in, moving down his black mask for the fresh air. Totally different from Osaka's.

''I'll be with ya in a minute,'' Miya said behind him, and walked off to the store.

Sakusa nodded and walked a few steps into the parking lot. He had to admit that the birds singing and the rapid fresh air was a good chance of pace, not so bad for his free day.

To kill some time, he took out his cellphone and lurked on his social media. A photo of Bokuto and Fukurodani's setter in what seemed to be a mountain was the first thing he saw. Miya did mention that Bokuto was on a date. Sakusa was a bit surprised that they chose hiking out of all things, but maybe Akaashi-san had to be adventurous enough to be with someone like Bokuto. He dragged his finger and now saw Hinata's post, a picture of Kageyama wearing casual clothes in what seemed to be the movie theater.

Not that he really cared enough to ask them, but Sakusa had curiosity in how his teammates' relationships worked out. Not only them, but the Japanese Volley League was conformed by many high school sweethearts couples. How and why everyone managed to still be together, after so many years, is something that did amaze Sakusa. It must be nice having someone like that, not that Sakusa can say it has ever been his case.

Faces of the people he dated assaulted his memory, and felt a desire to drag his curls. Sakusa is not rancorous, he's way past whining about things that were already done and did not concern him anymore. He understands that all three of them had their reasonings for how things ended.

The first girl in high school had it fair, Sakusa was young, a prick, never paid attention to her, he understood, breaking up was fair and square. The second boy he dated before ending highschool was a pain in the ass. Two-faced, preachy, always asking for too many things and Sakusa could not see the end of his suffering with him. Also, he cheated on him, so that's that.

Then Sakusa remembered long brown hair and blue eyes, and grimaced at his cousin's selfie on his timeline, like it was making fun of him.

Sakusa knew he's attracted to people thanks to those two years with Hikaru in his early university days. Hikaru was nice to be around. Calm and collected, didn't make a fuss out of things, and had been the closest to comprehend Sakusa fully. He gave Sakusa space when he wanted to, supporting him in volleyball and always tried to see the best out of things.

Sadly, just like the two before. One night, Sakusa's dorm had a Hikaru with tears running down his cheeks. He questioned Sakusa about everything. Why does Sakusa never touches him first? Why was it always him who tried to plan dates?, and why was Sakusa never with him when Hikaru needed him the most?

Probably because; Sakusa found comfort in being near him rather than grabbing his hand. Maybe because Sakusa enjoyed sharing time together, no matter in which place. And maybe because Sakusa had his own life to worry about sometimes.

Of course Sakusa knew why he was always dumped. The last words came to no surprise when he was told, ''You'll never find someone who can put up with you''.

Sometimes they still echoed in his head.

Another car honked, wanting to park near him. Sakusa lifted his gaze from his phone and moved out of the way. He searched into his dark blue jacket's pocket and grabbed his black face mask, already feeling more comfortable.

Loving Hikaru was something out of his system; he wouldn't and didn't love someone so past him.

But Sakusa knew those words were an honest witness of his persona. They described how far he is from being a normal person to date, to like, or to seriously love. And he carried it as what it is, his fate of being who he is.

The loud sound of paws hitting the asphalt, a soft sniff, and the rustling of the bags behind him, made Sakusa look behind his shoulder. A big brown dog sneaked behind him, into the open car door. It had a backpack in his snout, Miya's backpack.

''Oi,'' Sakusa groaned, walking towards the dog, who already sprinted his way down the road and behind the trees.

''What is it, Omi-kun?'' Miya asked, coming back from paying the gas and raising his sunglasses since the sun was hidden behind the clouds.

Sakusa exhaled, ''A dog just stole your backpack.''

''What?''

''A dog stole your backpack.''

Miya looked composed and smug, until it hit, ''HOW?!''

''He snuck behind me and stole it!''

''Behind you.''

''Behind me.''

Then Miya walked to Sakusa's side and looked through his stuff behind the seat. Running a hand through his hair, he grunted, ''He stole my lunch box bag.''

Sakusa felt a little bit guilty, although it really wasn't his fault. But looking at Miya's disappointed gaze, he couldn't help feeling bad.

''It's no big deal,'' Sakusa deadpanned, trying to ease Miya's worry.

What answered him was Miya's disappointment heavier in his eyes. Sakusa found it weird but wore it off, the focus was on what they were going to eat.

''I'll treat you something, c'mon,'' Sakusa said.

''No, it's fine,'' Miya responded. ''I invited ya, I'm the one that'll pay for this.''

''It was my fault,'' Sakusa explained.

''Stupid accidents aren't nobody's fault, don't be a cry baby.'' Miya snarked, and stood up.

Sakusa examined Miya and sighed. He didn't comment anything else and carried himself inside the store, Miya following behind.

Once both were at the cashier, Sakusa took out his wallet and tried to pay with his card ignoring Miya's yells, but the card wouldn't pass. After a quick phone call and Miya in the car waiting for him to be finished, he was then told that his cards were frozen until further notice.

Now this, it got Sakusa really moody and salty. So when Miya asked him what was wrong, Sakusa only responded.

''Nothing,'' brushing off Miya's concerned stare.

Miya remained silent, weirdly silent. Turned on the car and hopped on the road again.

With the deafening music and Miya's silent treat, Sakusa accepted he did wrong and felt guilt wash him, leaning over the window and evading Miya's face on the reflection.

Who seemed annoyed but later shrugged it off like it was nothing, voice calm, he kept on with his chattery.

Still, Sakusa felt moody and closed his eyes. He asked how long it was left, and Miya said that two hours. Sakusa nodded and tried to drift back to sleep.

｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ｀、ヽ｀☂｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ｀、ヽ｀

The digital clock showed that it was past his usual bedtime, and it seemed that the cup of chamomile tea he drank before going to bed was useless. For a third week in a row, he failed to get back on his sleeping schedule. Then, Sakusa heard a knocking on his dorm's door. He felt his heart jump up to his throat, and rushed to open— it was just Komori, who dropped by while in town.

They both walked on the park trail, the tree leaves were orange, falling down and dancing on their boots. Sakusa and Komori found a bench to sit.

Sakusa had his mask on, staring at a pair of squirrels playing in front of him, they seemed to be gathering acorns for the winter. He remembered he hadn't gone to the supermarket in four weeks, and the last time he went there, it was with him. That night, they fought outside in hushes and ended up breaking up in his dorm with yells.

''Hey,'' Komori said, stopping his conversation about the recent manga they were hooked on. The call made Sakusa look at him. Komori's eyes were calmer than his common brighter, ''What has Hikaru been up to, lately?''

Sakusa felt a stab and evaded his cousin's face to rather focus at the place where the squirrels were— gone already, ''I don't know.''

''I see,'' Komori answered and looked where Sakusa was also looking.

Minutes that felt like hours, Sakusa knew Komori wanted more explanations out of him; Sakusa found himself unable to refuse, so he said, ''I am too complicated and selfish, I guess?''

''Yeah, you are,'' Komori answered. Sakusa snapped his head back to his cousin. Komori was smiling broadly, brows up in his forehead and hands in the air, ''But there's no problem in that!''

Sakusa frowned. He was about to fret on wanting an explanation, but Komori stood up and said, ''Let's go, I need dinner. I'm going to starve here.''

Giving up, Sakusa followed, mildly annoyed, totally silent. After a harsh night practice in the park with Komori, alongside the feeling of his body exhausted to the brink. He would drift back to sleep that night, the deep ache in his chest following him in his slumber.

｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ｀、ヽ｀☂｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ｀、ヽ｀

The small raindrops hitting the windshield made Sakusa open his eyes from his light slumber, Miya was silent listening to his music. Now the beats were more rock-like, and Miya was pumping his head around the lyrics, sunglasses off his face now sitting on the cupboard. The high notes of the electric guitar roared the speakers and Sakusa wondered if they were almost there.

After three songs, the small raindrops became big, pouring loudly from the sky. Miya turned on the windshield. Sakusa was laid back, gazing outside the window, and noticed Miya's gaze on him through the reflection. Now that Miya knew that he woke up, Sakusa was already expecting another rambling about mundane ordeals, but there was something uncharacteristic on Miya's face.

Sakusa turned his face to look at him properly and point out what he saw. When an orange light illuminated both and a sign showed front ahead, with the engrave: ''Road work ahead, deviation 300m''.

''Road work ahead?'' Miya said in a teasing tone. In response, Sakusa lifted a brow at him. Miya deflated all the air in his lungs. He took the deviation that led to a little road going through the countryside, while he grumbled, ''I swear you're an old man. That face is just a spellin' you learned years ago. I bet you have like a hundred years on yourself.''

Sakusa smirked behind his mask, ''You have a problem with my age? Last night, you were the one crying about those wrinkles around your eyes.''

Miya's frown sent knives at Sakusa's face, bloating his chest while saying, ''I don't have those at all, you big liar.''

''Whatever you say, old man.''

Sucking his teeth, his skin now looking the same shade as the red shirt he was wearing, Miya turned up the volume of the music trying to shut off Sakusa's existence with the music.

Amused with himself, albeit lasted short. Sakusa paid attention to Miya's expression and felt an annoying tug on his chest. He rested his head again against the window glass. He glared at Miya's reflection, his brown eyes pensive, miffed, only the loud guitar around them. Obviously, Miya was still annoyed at him, Sakusa didn't really care. He understood his reasons, he wasn't the friendliest companion out there. That's why he didn't expect an opportunity between them.

Just a kiss months ago didn't mean that they were ''something''. Miya just invited him for convenience purposes, that's why Sakusa was there.

The road was bumpy, making both of them jump on their seats. The rain got even louder. Sakusa felt the need to grab a second mask to cover his face. He barely could see the trees outside. Suddenly he got reminded of that hideous night in his university days and felt so annoyed at himself. The music was loud enough to mute his grunt.

Miya turned up the music even more. The song was horrible to Sakusa's taste, too loud, and too many drifts, he preferred a more singing voice rather than talking or rapping. The blond was singing quietly. Sakusa grabbed a tissue from his jacket and used it to change the song on the screen.

''Hey! I was listening to tha—''

The up and down drums coming from the speakers and the inevitable ''Summer after high school, when we first met'' made Miya's neck blotchy. Panic in his eyes all the while he seemed like he wanted to throw a punch at Sakusa.

But Sakusa only arched an eyebrow, smug smile hidden behind his mask, ''Didn't know you had such tastes, Miya.''

Miya turned up the volume, refusing to let go of his pride and keeping his eyes glued to the rainy windshield. ''It's 'Samu's playlist,'' he explained, gritting his teeth.

Sakusa watched the car's screen with half-lidded eyes saying, ''sad bitch. by Miya Atsumu, how original.''

The blond gripped the wheel tighter. ''It's an old playlist,'' he said, refuted by shame.

While Sakusa wanted to keep Miya's shame bleeding, the punch of guilt from earlier came back. He turned up the volume and evaded Miya's surprise gaze.

They kept listening to Miya's playlist, which also included a lot more heart touching songs that Sakusa only knew by those rare times he went clubbing with Komori. Miya tried to hide it, but Sakusa noticed how he tapped his fingers to the music.

The droplets were striving to break the windshield and Sakusa could hear the wind howl outside. He didn't remember when they entered the rice fields roads, but he wasn't now doubting if they were on the right road.

Sakusa turned down the volume with another napkin and asked, ''Do you really know where are we going?''

Miya touched the screen monitor and checked the GPS, ''Umh, yeah. I've been here a couple of times. We always came to this beach with Pa and Ma when we were kids, and sometimes Pa would take the long way. It took us like, hours.''

''How many hours?''

''Like three more hours? I think so, but when we get on the highway again we will arrive in twenty minutes.''

Sakusa rested his head against his seat, defeated, missing his couch.

Instead of turning up the music like Sakusa expected, Miya started saying, ''Pa would take us on this road and say that more time with family is the best time. Which mind you, I hated it. 'Samu gets dizzy pretty easily, and he would fight with me over every single thing. Also, I've always hated rice fields, because Pa would get us to a granny's house, which we visited from time to time to help her. I always got sunburnt.''

Miya's groaning was louder than the rain outside, but his voice sounded softer when he said, ''But after Kita-san invited us over his home at the beginning of the season, I have to admit, at least rice fields can be refreshing in the morning.''

A thunder sounded loud in the sky.

''Altho' not in this freakin' rain.''

Sakusa listened to him carefully, at how relaxed Miya seemed to be telling those stories. Like the other ones he had told Sakusa in the locker rooms after everyone was gone, just letting his tongue go, not seeming to care if Sakusa was even listening. Showing a side of Miya that Sakusa knows, was not often seen.

At first, Sakusa didn't always listen, but now he didn't know how to not to.

''That reminds me. Do ya believe in ghosts, Omi-kun?''

''No.''

Miya squinted, ''Not even a little bit?''

''I said no.''

''C'mon, everyone has at least one scary story. Never saw a shadow around your house? A chair moving? Something?''

Sakusa remembered the emptiness in his home and how that felt tragic rather than scary. He denied with his head.

''Welp. Lucky for you, I have plenty. Personally, I do believe in them, but it's more of a trauma than anythin' else. Grandma loved to scare 'Samu when we were little, warning us about ghosts and gods, and how we always should be aware of them everywhere. The old hag only made poor 'Samu hide beneath the blankets, takin' them all. I don't know how I didn't die from the cold.''

''I doubt that one was Osamu-san.''

Miya squinted at him again, ''How come you call my brother by honorific and not me?''

''Your brother isn't a self-centric asshole,'' Sakusa answered in a deadpan.

''Oh, then you guys should talk more. Would surprise you.''

Sakusa sighed, ''Are you going to tell me the story or not?''

''Sheesh— You see, Kita-san's grandparents live in rice fields like these, and the summer after high school nationals, he invited us over to sleep. The whole time everyone was sweaty and yelling about everything, I felt hideous. It was horrible, Omi-kun. I never had alone time and we couldn't even use a proper bathroom.''

At that Sakusa flinched evidently, his face of pure disgust.

''I know, even I felt dreadful. We had to use one of those old baths made from wood. But at least Kita-san's grandma was nice, and the food too. Luckily 'Samu asked Kita-san about the recipe a year ago and now I can have that dinner again any time.''

Sakusa heard Miya talking. Miya told things as if he was by himself, his eyes focused on the road, and yet soft. His voice annoyed, and yet lull. Sakusa knew he was looking at a Miya that not many people have seen, and he enjoyed it.

''Anyway,'' Miya proceed, ''That night, Sunarin, 'Samu and I looked at a fuckin' ghost. And I swear on my life— don't look at me like that, you can ask them any time. It was a solid existing ghost.''

''A ghost.''

''Blanket and all.''

''Bullshit.''

Miya threw a hand in the air exasperated. ''Okay, let me explain. I was trying to go to sleep, but the air was too strong and I heard too much whistling. I got out of bed because I needed to pee, and noticed that 'Samu wasn't there. So, I walked to the bathroom, which was occupied by Sunarin, and 'Samu was also there, waitin' at the door for him. That's when we heard someone calling our names outside. Loud and clear.''

''Your teammates were probably calling you,'' Sakusa said, totally calling bullshit for Miya's story.

But Miya seemed disgustingly honest, eyes wide, and moving his arm while he talked.

''Omi-kun, I wish they were prakin' or some shit. But I heard Atsumu, 'Samu heard Osamu, and Sunarin walked outside the bathroom asking why we were calling him. But we didn't, and he heard it too inside the fuckin' restroom. It was a high pitch weeping voice, too freakish to be one of the guys. So, I admit, I freaked out for a moment. But as the older brother that I am, I told them it could be our imagination. Shit, I wish it was, because we heard it again. Now outside the window in front of us. Sunarin decided to investigate, 'Samu followed him. I told them not to, but 'Samu grabbed me and made me walk with them.

And when we walked outside, we saw grandma's white blankets hanging on the ropes. A harsh wind made them all dance, and one of the blankets flew away. But, what fucked me up for life, was that the blanket was stopped by a figure. A human-like figure.''

Sakusa still looked at him unbothered, but Miya got his voice a note higher when saying, ''I swear on my life, it looked like a person. But when the wind flew again, the blanket flew away with it, and no one was there—''

A loud noise broke Miya's voice and the car drifted in the mud. Sakusa gripped the door handle and Miya's bare forearm, noticing too late that maybe that was why they started drifting in the first place. Luckily Miya stopped the car.

His heart thumped against his chest, Sakusa only heard the deafening sound of the rain hitting the roof of the car and their ragged breaths fogging the windows. It has been so long since he has been this scared.

Until Miya broke in loud laughter, his shoulders giggling and hiding his smile with the back of his hand, ''Ooooh. Were you scared, Omi-kun?''

Sakusa noticed his hand grabbing Miya's forearm, and let go rapidly like if it burned, ''Fuck off.''

Miya started laughing again, ''You should see your face. It's so funny, Oh my god.''

At that moment, Sakusa's knuckles twitched, the need to punch Miya's smile a flamed deep inside him. But decided to focus his energy into evening out his breath and calm himself. After Miya quieted down and he was also calm, Sakusa said, ''It was a tire, right?''

Miya brushed off a little tear and nodded, ''Yeah, I think so. Are ya okay?''

Sakusa was taken aback for a moment from his searching brown eyes, and answered, ''Yes, and you?''

''Yeah, you almost ripped my arm off. I bet you ten bucks I'll wake up with a bruise tomorrow.''

''Keep going and you'll have two,'' Sakusa's threat was authentic and a fact, as the sky is blue, the sun is bright, and his arm's strength is an Olympic winning one.

But Miya still brushed him off like it was nothing.

''Ow, Omi-kun. Didn't know you were so bold,'' his words were teasing, eyes half-lidded and his smile showed the tip of his tongue. ''Don't worry, I like bites.''

Letting his body relax, Sakusa sighed between gritted teeth, ''I swear, Miya.''

''I get it, I get it,'' Miya unlocked his seat belt. ''Wait here, there must be a spare in the back.''

Sakusa's eyes snapped, ''Hold on, are you going out with this rain?''

''Yeah, we can't just wait here until it fades out. Precious time, Omi-Omi. I can't stay here too long because that stupid ghost will find me again.''

''You're going to catch a cold.''

''I'm not. I never get sick.''

''Miya.''

''Omi-kun.''

Why did he even care, he didn't know. But fighting with Miya was a waste of time, and if he wanted to die from a cold, it was his problem. So Sakusa finally responded, ''Fine, but don't get close to me after.''

''Ow, I guess I'll miss on that bruise then.''

''Maybe I can get my punch near you without a problem.''

''Wait here for me!'' Miya pulled the break and opened the door. The cold wind instantly got to Sakusa's fingers, already forgetting the warmth of touching Miya's skin a moment ago.

He looked at his hand, flexing his knuckles, evoking the last time he touched someone out of instinct. The last person he touched for selfish reasons was Miya, in that kiss three months ago. A mere kiss that reminded Sakusa why it sometimes was convenient to be with somebody. A warmness that lingered for the rest of that day and made him feel at ease.

Sakusa looked back on how it all came down. For weeks, Miya started rambling about his daily life to him out of nowhere; Sakusa answered a comment or two when Miya expected an answer. Miya talked about everything and anything at the same time, about how sometimes he missed his brother, about how great his tosses were all week, about how exciting the next match sounded, about how strong everyone is, about how afraid Miya felt about not being enough for the team. And every time Miya finished, before Sakusa had the opportunity to yuck at his sappiness or fake optimism, Miya would straighten, walk away and laugh it off saying ''Sorry, Omi-Omi for my rambling. I'll treat you something.''

Sakusa never heard what people had to say because he has never come to care.

But one night actually, Sakusa said something other than a ''Shut up, Miya'', making Miya's cheeks grow a big blush and a trembling smile.

Because that day Sakusa noticed that the Omi-Omi wasn't so lively in Miya's lips. Later on, he did as Sakusa expected, and rambled about a fight with his mother, and how Osamu hasn't done so well with Onigiri Miya.

Who would have thought? A ''Your brother will be okay,'' falling out of his lips freely, and Miya inviting him for some ramen take-out after that. Could lead them so far as a few weeks later, to both kiss in Sakusa's kitchen.

A kiss that lasted mere seconds, but warm as the tea he drinks in the morning. Exactly how his fingers felt when Sakusa touched him a few moments ago.

A thunder made his chest tremble. Sakusa felt annoyingly exhausted, although he hadn't done much in the day. He focused on watching the rain hitting the windshield, resigned to fate.

Miya was nice to him out of nature, Sakusa discovered that a long time later after meeting him. Miya Atsumu was the dictionary definition of a jerk; greedy, selfish, and vain. Also, he was a good brother, a good son, a good friend, and someone who probably liked to pick on Sakusa's lone-wolf personality for charity. Miya strived on outdoing Sakusa when practicing, but pulled Sakusa's biggest strengths in the court. And he was the only one to actually treat Sakusa without fear of being bitten. Treating him commonly when no one was looking. All of it was because it was engraved in Miya's caring and greedy nature to be the best person.

Totally not because he wanted something romantic with Sakusa.

A lighting illuminated his gaze and a low thunder made his chest tremble again. Sakusa turned his head and looked at Miya at the side of the passenger door. Soaking wet already, mud sticking to his feet, Miya looked disgusting, and Sakusa wanted to get out and help.

He opened the door, but Miya was faster and pushed it back.

''Open the door,'' Sakusa deadpanned to Miya's face, which was against the window's glass.

''Stay inside!'' Miya yelled, muffled by the rain and the glass.

Sakusa looked at him angrily.

''Don't look at me like that, I ain't going to let you get dirty, I want to live.''

''You're getting soaked, if I help you we can do it faster.''

Miya pointed a finger at him, ''You'll die if you step outside.''

Sakusa rolled his eyes, ''I can change a fucking tire.''

''Omi-kun. You'll combust before stepping in this mud, and I've got everything under control. Just sit back and relax,'' Miya smiled smugly at him, but still proud in his words.

He felt his eyes squint and Sakusa said, ''What a disgusting face.''

Miya didn't disappoint and his face scrunched up in fury, ''Asshole! I'm trying to be a gentleman here!''

''I told you to open the stupid door.''

''No. Now stop it and let me finish.''

Sakusa noticed the mud on Atsumu's cheek and felt himself giving up. Miya was right, he didn't want to go out there. He couldn't help feeling pathetic for fearing a little bit of mud on his clothes. Sakusa balled up his fists and crossed his arms, staring at his reflection on the retro visor mirror and saw his frowning eyes. He exhaled loudly and rearranged his mask, rubbing his neck to shake off the tension.

｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ｀、ヽ｀☂｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ｀、ヽ｀

''What are you doing?'' Hikaru asked while sipping his soda.

Sakusa was in the middle of rubbing a second wipe on the dining table. In that type of family restaurant, you never knew whose kid's slobber could be all over the surface.

''Cleaning,'' Sakusa responded.

''Huh,'' the boy huffed. Sakusa stared at him and arched an eyebrow, Hikaru noting that he said something out loud, responded, ''I just didn't know you were kinda...how can I put it?''

''Weird?'' Sakusa answered for him, used to the word.

''No, no. Of course not, I'd rather say unique.''

''Well, that's how it is.''

''Yeah...And have you thought about therapy?''

Sakusa stopped midway the third wipe, and now, really stared at him. ''I've been going to therapy since I was a kid.''

''Great! I hope one day you get cured,'' Hikari said, smiling at him. Sakusa was put off by the smile, different from the ones he usually gets from him. Hikari then splayed his hand across the table, inviting Sakusa to take it. All pretty and delicate, fine fingers that showered affection for him.

But the only thing that Sakusa cloud focus was all the mud those hands were carrying. He hadn't seen Hikaru wash his hands since he met him that day; he had been touching keys and coins, seats in the bus, the front door of the restaurant. Sakusa felt a cold sweat run down his neck and moved his eyes from the hand on the table.

''Sorry,'' Sakura murmured, looking through the window finding a little kid jumping from puddle to puddle in the street, carefree from any possibility of sickness. He felt himself flinch at the scene.

Hikaru sighed and smiled softly, retracting his hand. ''It's okay, you'll get there eventually.''

The hamburger that Hikaru ordered arrived and Sakusa saw Hikaru eating it with his bare hands.

｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ｀、ヽ｀☂｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ｀、ヽ｀

After twenty minutes of waiting and another three thunders, Miya opened the door behind Sakusa's seat and entered the car.

''This fuckin' rain, I swear,'' Miya cursed loudly. He took a backpack and opened it. ''All set and done, Omi-kun. Just wait a little bit 'til I change clothes.''

Sakusa turned his head to take a look at him. Miya was already with his wet shirt over his head, giving Sakusa plenty of view of his abs, and the tan line on his hips. Shirt once over his head, Miya noticed he was being stared at, his calm smile turned to a mischievous smirk to the side.

''You like the show?'' Miya asked as he lowered his pants to reveal his black trunks, all the while keeping eye contact with Sakusa.

Sakusa turned his head back to the front, praying those gods Miya was talking about that his blush wasn't noticeable, ''Who would like to look at you?''

''Many people in fact. Do you ever go on twitter?''

Sakusa did. He used his social media to check on other colleagues, friends, and family, the hashtags #VolleyLeagueThirst and #ChokeMeMiya long ago blocked from his timeline.

Miya was changing into a pair of blue shorts, shirt nowhere to be seen yet. Sakusa couldn't help but keep looking at the retro visor mirror, and Miya found his gaze again. He put on his shirt slowly, marking his cheeks with that stupid smile that Sakusa wanted to erase somehow.

''Yes, I have. But what other people have to say about your body is not my concern,'' Sakusa said.

''Ow, and here I thought you were the jealous type.''

''I don't have any reason whatsoever to be jealous.''

''I see 'dat.''

Sakusa kept his eyes on Miya. He's not going to back down, not if he didn't want Miya bragging about how Sakusa can't look at him. When Miya finished changing, he grabbed his backpack, and pulled out a pack of sanitizing wipes, the brand that Sakusa uses, and passed one all over his fingers and left arm. Then, he grabbed another one and wiped it all over his other arm. He grabbed another one and wiped it all over his legs, neck, the surface he touched on the car, and some more. Miya picked a final fourth one for good measure and took it with him when he climbed from the back to the driver seat, wiping it all over the areas he touched.

Sakusa felt hot, he really must be getting a cold. He was already thinking if he brought the correct meds when he noticed what Miya's footwear was. A pair of socks and sandals.

''That's disgusting,'' Sakusa said, pointing at Miya's feet.

Miya took his red towel that was around his shoulders, moving it lightly trying against his scalp drying his hair, ''Shut your mouth, I have cold feet. The water was freezin'.''

Sakusa felt a pang of guilt again. He took off his jacket and threw it to Miya's lap. He took one wipe from Miya's package on the cup holder and used it to turn on the heater, he buckled his belt again and looked straight into the foggy windows.

"Let's go," Sakusa ordered, more urgently than he intended to. He hoped Miya wouldn't pick on him for that, he was getting restless.

Miya did not move a flinch, he kept his brown eyes on him, mouth open with surprise and a small smile threatening to appear on his lips, "You do care for me."

Sakusa felt his skin tingle, and for a moment he thought Miya was definitely crazy, "I don't do such a thing."

"Yes you do," Miya snorted, his smile appearing.

Sakusa sighed again and rearranged his mask. He felt like he needed to say something, but the mask made sure he kept quiet.

"Omi-Omi, ya sure look ugly with that face."

''The pot talking about the kettle.''

''Mind you, I'm very handsome. And If you could just relax, I bet you'd look way better.''

Sakusa frowned even more.

Miya moved his head disapprovingly, ''No, not like that.''

At that, he felt his glass of patience finally giving out, and he sighed heavily rolling his eyes blank before meeting Miya's smug eyes.

"What do ya want, Miya?" Sakusa asked.

"What do I want? Nothing, just giving you some advice. If you keep that face you'll get older way faster."

"I don't remember asking for your opinion."

''It's still what you've got. Hey, Ma said that when I'm mad I should talk about it.''

''That explains a lot.''

''Exactly, no wrinkles to be seen.''

Sakusa smirked at that. He cooled off, decided that everything was just building up in his head, it was past afternoon, just another half-day and he'll get home. Alone. He was grabbing his phone when he noticed that Miya wasn't starting the car yet.

''What? Let's go,'' Sakusa said, he wanted the day to be over already.

But Miya kept staring at him, pouting his lips lightly and said, "You.. you just been quiet.''

''I'm always quiet.''

''Yeah, but now's different. There must be something buggin' you.''

"The fact that I'm being quiet doesn't mean anything," Sakusa defended himself. For some reason, he felt like he needed to.

Miya grunted and rested his forehead against his palm and the car wheel, "Yeah, I know. But it's still weird."

Sakusa didn't answer, didn't want to. Both kept silent for a moment.

Until Miya broke it again and asked, "Is it because I'm dirty? I already put on hand sanitizer, here, smell."

"Now you're just making fun of me," Sakusa snarled.

"A little, but ok. If it ain't that then, are you still mad about lunch? I promise I'll buy ya something nice when we get back."

"Miya."

"Just spit it."

At that moment, Sakusa didn't want to look at him. He felt pressure in his chest and the need to train for ten hours in a row. But that also would mean Miya, and the pressure got heavier in his chest.

"I-- I apologize for not helping you, and for the food, and for snapping at you."

There he said it, maybe that way Miya would finally turn everything down and maybe go back home. He apologized because it was the only thing left to do, and now they would go back to what they should be, just teammates.

''Are you goin' to apologize for that mood, too?''

Sakusa now wanted to get out of the car, mud be damned.

"Wait, wait. Sorry, I'm kiddin'. Please, just chill.'' Miya's hand was near reach Sakusa's arm but wavered in the air. His brown gaze weighted in Sakusa's shoulders, it was one of those times that Sakusa felt glued to earth. The blond exhaled and kept going, ''I'm not good with talking, but just to be clear, is that it?''

It wasn't, but Sakusa nodded.

''Look— It's fine. I know you're weird."

"I'm not weird."

"Yes, you are."

Sakusa fisted the wipe on his hand. "Then, I'm fucking sorry."

"You shouldn't be, it's not a problem at all."

Sakusa's head visibly stopped at the comment, and frowned confused. Miya got visibly red from Sakusa's questioning stare and scrunched up his own face, hiding his eyes with his palms not looking at Sakusa when saying, "You shouldn't worry about such things. I told you, I'm fine and it's okay. It was just a tire."

''And the food.''

''Okay, there I get it, but it's not like I can't make some more.''

''That's not the point.''

Miya moved his hands away from his eyes and Sakusa felt his gaze go through him when he said, ''I don't care.''

Sakusa evaded his eyes and looked at his own hands. "I just had to get out there, but I couldn't because of some stupid rain," he mumbled, "It's so fucking stupid."

"It kinda is, but it isn't like it's wrong. Also, who cares if it's stupid? I don't," Miya affirmed shrugging his shoulders.

Sakusa frowned and studied his face, Miya's blushing moved to his neck, Sakusa wasn't sure why he was blushing in the first place, and the blonde threw his hands at the air.

''Listen, and listen to me well because I ain't gonna repeat myself.''

''What.''

Miya sucked a big breath and said, ''I already know you're a bitch to deal with. Sometimes you don't have a big problem with stuff, other times you need time for yourself first, and other other times, you really, really don't want to do stuff. Y'know, I get it. And I seriously don't mind it. I knew all of that already before I started dating you, it really matters less now that I'm already with you.''

Sakusa felt like a bucket of ice-cold water just dump over him.

''Are we dating?''

'' — Yes.''

" — Since when?"

''Oh my god. Hold on, I'm going to go outside and drown."

The kiss.

Sakusa also wanted to go out there and drown.

"I thought it was bullshit for you.''

Miya snapped at him and threw his jacket at Sakusa, ''Ya think I kiss anyone?''

''Yes."

''Welp!" Miya looked out of words and passed his hand against his face. "Yeah, yeah, maybe I do. But not you!"

''Why didn't you kiss me again?''

''I didn't even know if you wanted to kiss me ever again, you definitely aren't the "casual" type. I thought you wanted time to adjust or some shit. The mere fact that you agreed to spend time with me after practice was enough for me to think that at least you liked me."

Their breaths fogged the windows, and Miya was grunting curses into his hands. Sakusa looked at Miya's hands, and how much he'd been wanting to grab them the last couple of weeks. Hands that were recently dirtied and thoroughly cleaned because of him.

''And you thought we were dating? All this time?'' Sakusa asked monotonously.

''Yes?!'' Miya exclaimed, upping his head to look at him incredulously.

Sakusa pinched the bridge of his nose. ''This is so stupid." I'm so stupid.

Atsumu copied him and hid himself between his arms and the car wheel. The rain was still heavy outside and Sakusa was whirling with too many emotions at the time. Annoyance, anger, frustration, regret, and a little bit of fondness. His breath was ragged, and he grabbed another wipe just because, passing in through his fingers. He was thinking, he had to think, the conclusion of this aftermath. What was the right thing to do? Forget it? Move on? Did Miya meant what he said? Did it mean something to him? What was best for him? For Miya? For both?

''We are dating, right?'' Atsumu asked in a faint whisper, his eyes peeking between his shoulder blades.

Looking at him all gloomy, blushing, a gesture few have seen, with cheesy songs that really aren't that bad, a stupidly handsome face and eyes that looked at him worried and caringly. And it seemed that Miya enjoyed all of those late-night talks, those little messages about nothing and everything, training and arguing in the court when people aren't looking. And it also seemed that he enjoyed doing all of that with Sakusa.

''Yes, yes we are,'' Sakusa responded, taking off his mask and giving him a small smile.

Miya hid between his arms, then he straightened, he looked at Sakusa, and although his skin was still red, he flashed him a smug smile, and moved the key starting the car, ''Good to know.''

While they drove off, Sakusa heard him whisper to himself ''I'm so fucking stupid''.

They finally got on the road and Sakusa saw a sign showing that they weren't far from the breach. Miya had his usually styled hair, wet, and his cheeks were a rosy pink now. Sakusa thought about running his hand across his face, just like Sakusa thinks when they get out of their showers, and Miya's skin is glowing with the afterglow of exercise.

But he still is him and can't really do it yet. Also, it would probably send Atsumu in a rambling drift again, and he appreciated his life, thank you very much.

Since Miya was more or less muted by what happened, and Sakusa was still giddy from all of those emotions rushing through his veins, he decided to turn on the music again.

It was only five minutes when Miya got a call. The monitor showed ''Osamu Nii'' and Miya pressed the button, connecting the call to the speakers.

''Domino's Pizza, what can I get for you?'' Atsumu said.

''Oi, Dad has been looking for you. He's asking if you could take him to the airport tomorrow,'' Osamu said through the speakers. Miya immediately got his phone and put it on his ear so Sakusa couldn't hear the rest.

But Sakusa wasn't born yesterday.

Miya asked him on the trip first, maybe he was the only one he asked at all. This was practically a date.

Sakusa looked at the package of wipes. Miya did all of this for him, and did all those stuff, the food, the car, the fucking beach, those horrid sunglasses. Just because he just wanted to enjoy himself with him. Miya Atsumu, the self-preacher that flashes everyone with his ego, the one Sakusa stupidly fell for after knowing how honest he really is, did all of this to be with him.

After Miya hanged the call, he tried to talk about the weather to wave off the topic, but Sakusa wasn't having it.

''Miya, stop the car.''

Miya did.

''Busy schedules, huh?''

Looking like a deer in a flashlight, Miya had his open like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Probably because saying ''I wanted to go on a date with you'' was too embarrassing in his book.

Sakusa took off his mask and grabbed Miya's collar.

''I want to kiss you,'' he whispered close to his mouth.

Miya was shocked, still trying to let any sound get out of his lips but he didn't, so Sakusa kept going, ''That's okay, isn't it?''

Miya nodded stupidly.

Sakusa got closer gently and put his lips on his. Felt Miya's soft lips against his and heard a soft sound coming from Miya. It was just like last time but a thousand times better and he felt a big calm wash over him.

It was quick, they both knew it was just for now. Sakusa stared into Miya's face, how ruffled he looked and how stupidly he was smiling. He looked happy.

Possibly too happy.

''You have a booger on your nose."

''WHAT?" Miya immediately looked at himself in the mirror but Sakusa was already laughing softly to himself.

｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ｀、ヽ｀☂｀、ヽ｀ヽ｀、ヽ｀、ヽ｀

The wind was cold, too cold. Who would want to go to the beach in the middle of February?

''Omi-Omi, C'mere,'' Miya called for him.

Sakusa looked at Miya Atsumu's figure, shadowed by the sunset. The sea was shimmery and some lights reflected on Miya's cheeks. However, Sakusa was hesitant to go over, he already had sand in his boots, something he's definitely going to blame Miya for. He hated the beach.

He walked up to Miya in long strides, his hands in his pockets, and his mask on. Sakusa stood by his side and saw him smile while telling stories about a prank he did to Osamu when they were kids.

''I really like this place,'' Miya said, Sakusa registered his nostalgic tone and nodded, knowing it was about him wanting to come there with him.

A breeze flew his curly bangs, and felt something akin to a burden lift off his shoulders. He looked at Miya again, Miya was still looking at him.

''Did ya have fun, Omi-kun?''

Sakusa stood there. He looked at Miya's hand beside him, then his own hand. Sakusa took his hand sanitizer from his back pocket, took Atsumu's hand and put some, then he put some on his.

Then he grabbed his hand and looked at the sunset.

''I did.''

He swears he heard Miya near sobbing, but decided to give him some leeway, just to enjoy how their hands felt together.

Sakusa did have fun, once they got to the beach's town and hung out walking around, with Miya out of all. And although they were still just starting, Sakusa knew by Atsumu's look that he didn't have to be sorry for who he was. Miya truly enjoyed spending time with him, and—-

''Omi-omi~ I found a sea urchin and it looks just like ya~''

Surprisingly, Sakusa did too.

**Author's Note:**

> The way I just projected myself all over Sakusa should be a sin, but hey, who's counting. 
> 
> I really like romanticism in media, but I rarely see the type of love story where one party has already been through the ''love is eternal'' phase and still fall in love again. So I decided to put Sakusa through the pain myself. That and I wanted them to be on the beach at some point. 
> 
> Also, I think this is one of my best works yet, after a long month of process I'm publishing something I can say it's fine, at least to my standards. I'm still worried if the punchline of ''Sakusa, you don't have to change to be loved'' was well delivered, if you have any thoughts of how I did, please let me know!
> 
> Anyway, this wouldn't be as it is without my betas, thank you so much to [ @periwiinkled on twt and ao3](https://twitter.com/periwiinkled) and [ @sharpshooter_kl on twt](https://twitter.com/sharpshooter_kl). Without them, I wouldn't have posted this as happily as I am rn. Please check them out!
> 
> And thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked!! I'm [ @dirtypawsstory](https://twitter.com/dirtypawsstory) on twt, and here's my [ carrd ](https://dirtypawsstory.carrd.co/) if u wanted to check it out. 
> 
> Until next time! 
> 
> (God bless Miya Atsumu and his blushing, ik i went overboard, but i love him so much, im dying)


End file.
